The Light Within the Darkness
by crazylove95
Summary: Remake of my story Cutting Keeps Me Sane. BElla went through a traumatic past, and is plagued by fear. When she gets caught cutting, her mother has no choice but to send her away to a facility. There she meets Edward, Alice, and Jasper, will she open up?
1. Memories Suck

The Light Within the Darkness.

Authors note. I rewrote this, 1, because I was discussing some of the problems in the lining of the other story, and 2, because I think this one will be better. I'm sorry in advanced if you don't like this story, and I would really appreciate it is you don't review with flames. If you have a problem, or anything, feel free to pm me. I will most likely respond.

Summary: in one night Bella's life change forever. Her innocence was taken, and she couldn't so a thing about it. Fearing for not only her life but, her sisters and mothers as well she takes to cutting. She if plagues by her memories, and to her cutting is the only way to deal with it. Her mom is not the same bitch she was in the other version, but actually a sweeter one, one that does care, and tried to find help for Bella because she doesn't know what else she can do. Bella is sent away to live in a rehabilitation center where she meets Edward, Alice, and Jasper. Watch as they loose their addiction, and fight for what the so badly need. _Help. _

Chapter 1.

BPOV.

"_You know Bella, tonight is going to be so much fun." He said running his fingers down my stomach, finally coming to a stop at the bottom of my tank top. I looked up at him tears in my eyes. _

_He started to pull my tank top up, and I protested to the best of my ability, in the process I let out a small scream. I instantly stopped moving as he grabbed the knife and held it menacingly in his hands. "What did I tell you about screaming, do you want me to go get your sister; I'm sure you will enjoy watching her go through this same fun." _

_I shook my head furiously, and whispered as softly as possible "It wont happen again, I promise just, please, don't hurt her." Another tear fell from my eye. _

_He patted me on the head like a dog and said "Good girl." _

_So I lay there, trying to ignore the probing hands that ripped of my clothes. I watched numbly as he pushed himself inside me, taking the one thing that should have been sacred. I became numb letting the pain wash through me. Let myself succumb to the darkness that looked so joyful at this moment. I lay there, waiting for him to be finished, praying he wouldn't do anymore damage to my already destroyed body. _

_I watch and nodded numbly when he bent to my ear and whispered "Tell anyone about this, and your dead, I sure don't think you want to watch your sister scream in agony as I stab a knife into her stomach."_

_He cut the cords above my head, and the ones on my feet, loose. He kissed me on the head and I flinched from his touch. _

_I stared at the ceiling as he left my room; I laid there till the Phoenix light shone through my window. _

I sat up in my bed gasping. My body was covered in sweat, and my breathing was fast. Every night I dreamt of that night. That night my innocence was stolen from me, and every day I wake up and wish I could tell someone and put that bastard behind bars. For goodness sake, I was 14!

"Bella!" My sister Brittany called.

"What!" I sniped back.

"Making sure you were awake." She said. I heard her footsteps as she moved away from my room.

3 years later and I was still having nightmares. I moved off my bed and across the floor, till I found the loose floorboard.

I pulled out the razor hidden in there and pulled it across my wrist, watching the skin as it strained against the blade. Eventually, blood spilled out from the wound and I watched as it rolled down my arm in lines, leaving a trail of red in its wake. This was my favorite sight. I sighed as relief washed over me, everything seemed so much more bearable now.

I laughed to myself at the thought of life being bearable, and picked up the towel that was in there and wiped the cut clean. I wiped the razor, and pulled out Neosporin and gauze. I had to be careful: if my mom found out I would be dead, I would have to try explaining why I couldn't tell her, and it would lead to a whole mess of problems.

I took the gauze and ripped a piece open, and wiped some of the ointment onto it. I wrapped the gauze around my wrist, and sighed again at the stinging from the fresh cut.

I secured the gauze with a piece of medical tape, and pulled myself off the floor, making sure that the gaze stayed secure.

I reached back to pull my hair out of the bun I had securely pulled it into last night, after my shower. I let the hair fall loose around my shoulders, the soft curls more prominent from being wet when put up. So of the hair was still damp. I ran my brush through it and when I looked in the mirror it looked presentable.

I walked over to my closet and pulled out a long-sleeve black waffle shirt. It was more fitted then I liked but all of my other clothes were dirty. Walking over to my dresser I pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans. I pulled off the black basketball shorts and long sleeve light blue shirt, I had worn to bed and pulled on the previously picked out clothes. I picked up my favorite black jacket and pulled it on.

The people in school teased me because I wore black all the time, and I never wore shorts.

I picked up my back pack and cell phone and walked downstairs.

My sister, Brittany, was sitting at the kitchen table eating lucky charms.

I scoffed at her, and pulled out a water from the fridge. I hardly ever ate anything besides dinner. Too much food just didn't settle with my stomach.

"Why do you never eat breakfast?" my sister asked. We go through this every day.

"I'm not hungry." I stated in a bored tone.

She let it drop. Usually she pestered me for answers wanting to find out what was 'wrong' with me. She didn't like not being in the loop. She was 15, only two years younger then me, but it was like we were on different planets.

She was a cheerleader who went to every football game, I haven't been to one since 9th grade. She wore bright colors, I wore nothing but black. She talked to people, and was social, at lunch I read a book.

We fought all the time and I don't think she would ever think that I truly loved her. If I didn't love her I would have gone to the police and told them what happened to me, about the man whose eyes I saw everywhere I turned.

He haunted me. Even after all these years I still felt like he was watching me, watching for a slip up just so he could ruin my life more.

"I'm leaving, if you want a ride I suggest you hurry up." I said picking my bag off of the floor and taking my keys out.

"You go ahead, Katie should be here soon." She said standing up.

I nodded and left. My mom was already at work. She wasn't home that often but she did care. She was extremely upset over the fact that I made such a dramatic change in my life.

Until I was 14, until that night, I was the queen bee of my grade. I was popular I had a lot of friends. Everyone knew my name, but that changed. My old friends tried to talk to me but I just pushed them away. I figured that if I got close to them that there lives might be tainted by mine.

I was a disease.

I got into my car and drove the 10 minute drive to the school. My head was pounding already and school hadn't even started.

I parked in the student parking lot and climbed out of the car. It was an old, used, Porsche, but she was fixed up nice and ran beautifully.

I walked into the school ignoring the stares I got daily for my attire.

The day passed by quickly and soon enough I was in lunch sitting in my usual table, by myself.

I usually loved the peace that I got when I entered my book, but today all I got was a worse headache.

I mentally frowned and stood up quickly. The hustle and bustle of the cafeteria was not helping.

I walked to the nurses' office I tried to ignore the pounding in my head.

The nurse led me to an exam table and sat me down.

"What seems to be the problem?" she asked in a bored tone.

"My head is pounding." I said quietly.

She nodded and took my temperature.

"98.6, perfect temperature, lets just your pulse." She said moving towards my wrist.

It didn't even occur to me to pull away a until I saw her surprised face. I looked down to see my sleeve pulled up and the gauze I had put over the new cut was stained with blood.

"Bella? Did you do this?" she asked looking back and forth between my face and my wrist.

I pulled my arm out of her grasp and pulled the sleeve down. My breathing was becoming faster. I had to get out of here.

I picked my bag up as I jumped off the table and all but ran out of the room.

"Bella! You need help." She called after me.

I turned to her and said "I don't need anything."

"I have to report this, I'm sorry." She said.

I ran to my car and drove home. I unlocked the front door and ran to my room trying to find comfort.

I pulled open the loose floorboard seeking the only thing that could help; my razor. I tore my sleeve up and eased the pain the only way I knew how.

The stinging helped but it only muffled the pain that was coming.

His eyes, standing out in contrast to my dark room. The laughter in his face as he brought the knife to my throat.

I could still smell his breath was he whispered in my ear.

I don't know how long I stayed on my floor, memories consuming me until my mom threw my door open. Her eyes darkened as she saw the floorboard and the contents hidden under it.

Rage and sadness crossed her eyes when her eyes found the razor in my hand and the blood trickling down my arm.

School must have been over, because my sister came up behind my mother and a sob racked my body as I saw the hurt in her eyes too.

I did all of this to protect them, but they could never know that.

"Brittany go downstairs." My mom said in a tone that left no room for an argument.

She walked into my room, and shut the door behind her. Much to my surprise she didn't yell or scream or tell me how disappointed in me she was.

She sat down on the floor and picked up the rag in the floorboard to wipe my arm with. She pressed a little too hard for my liking.

"I don't see why you do this." She said as she continued to clean my wound. Renee is a woman of many words but at this moment she couldn't have been quieter.

I felt tears sting my eyes.

"The school called saying that you went to the nurse's office today, she went to check your pulse but was met with a bloody piece of gauze. She told the school that before you pulled your sleeve down she saw a litter of scars across your arm."

I closed my eyes trying, hoping, she wouldn't ask the one question that I couldn't answer.

"Why do you do it? Is your life that awful? Is it me? Brittany?" I shook my head as her voice rose. "Then tell me Bella! I'm trying to understand here, but you're giving me nothing. Your sister is upset, your arm is bleeding, and I feel like I'm an awful mother for not seeing this. Why?" she asked desperately.

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again I was met with my mothers tear stained face.

"Please don't make me answer, mom. Not that. Anything but that, please." I begged as another sob came.

She nodded and when she finished my bandage she pulled me into a hug.

"The school recommended a facility to help you get better, I told them that I would ask you and discuss it with Brittany but as of now my decision is made. You're going, I want the best for you and you being here isn't going to help. "

I nodded another tear escaping.

"I'll call the airport." She said standing up. "Go clean up."

I nodded, and before I could even move she had snatched away my razor and all my supplies that were hidden.

An hour later she came back telling me that my flight would leave tomorrow at 8 am.

I nodded numbly as I stood up to pack.

My head was swarming with the idea of this facility. They would probably make me talk, explain why I cut myself and I couldn't. I had tried to suppress those memories for too long to just I give up and explain them to someone else.


	2. Life's Not Fair

**Disclaimer; i dont own twilight. i never will own twilight. now your just making me sad. ): **

As I was packing my sister tried to talk to me. She opened my door cautiously, and when she saw I had no problem with it she walked in and sat on my bed. One look at her told me that she had been crying.

"Don't worry about me." I said as I turned back to my closet.

"Don't worry about you? Seriously? You cut yourself, for who knows how long. Any time you could have hit the blood vessel and bled to death."

"I'm not that stupid." I said, knowing we were going to have one of the famous Swan Sister Arguments.

She sat up on the bed and faced me, and asked softly "Just tell me why, please?"

"No, you wouldn't understand." I said trying to protect her, I wanted to tell her, hell I wanted to scream it in the cafeteria, but I couldn't. I was plagued by fear.

"That's not fair." She argued.

"You should have learned along time ago, that life isn't fair." I spat, venom seeping into my words as I thought back to that night. It wasn't fair that I was put through torment. It wasn't fair that I couldn't tell anyone what happened that night without having my sister at risk. It wasn't fair that thousands of people went through this.

It wasn't fair that I was being sent somewhere to fix a problem that was unfixable.

Life isn't fair.

"I learned that long ago and I haven't forgotten it."

"What happened, just tell me. I can handle it."

"No."

"Why! Why can't you trust anyone!" She yelled.

"Trust me right now, when I that if you were in my place you would do the same thing."

With that she left my room in a huff mumbling something about 'me being wrong.' I jumped as she slammed the door shut.

When I finished packing I got into bed and fell into a restless slumber. When I woke again the next morning I was sweaty and in desperate need for a cut.

One look at the floorboard told me that idea was out. When I looked at the clock it was only 6 am.

I groaned and tried to push away the pain and fear I felt ebbing onto my walls.

I jumped off of my bed and tried to find something that was remotely sharp.

When I couldn't find anything I ran down the stairs to the kitchen only to find that my mom had hidden all of the knives in the kitchen, and anything else sharp in the house.

I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, I couldn't keep pushing away everything forever and. the memories were crushing me.

I tried to drag my wrist along the edge of my desk but it was too dull, my bed post was worn. Everything remotely sharp was gone. _'Poof'_ disappeared.

I lay down on my bed trying to regulate my breathing, but I couldn't no matter how hard I tried.

My mom opened my door and rushed my side when she saw me.

"Honey what's wrong?" She said.

I shook my head. She wouldn't give me a knife or anything to take away the pain. She couldn't, I think it would hurt her too much; after all she was the one that took everything away in the first place.

She nodded, and stood up straight. "Go get ready, we have to leave soon." She said her expression turning hard.

I felt another tear at my heart when I realized the pain I had put her through. I loved my mom, I loved her to death but I couldn't help the need for a new cut.

3 hours later I was on the plane on my way to Seattle. There someone from the facility would pick me up and take me to the 'center'.

At this moment I couldn't help but feel that I should have just stabbed the knife through my wrist. I didn't want to die; I just wanted everything to be better. If I had just ended it, the threat against my sister would be gone. I wouldn't live in fear. My mother wouldn't be crying as she sent her eldest daughter 1000 miles away to get help for her cutting problem.

Everything was screwed up and it was my fault.

I stood numbly when the flight attendant said we could leave. I didn't want to be here.

When I got my bag I looked around for the person who would be picking me up. A large guy stood to the right of me holding a sign that said 'Isabella Swan.' I sighed as I walked over to him. I could have run, but that would only have caused more problems.

"Isabella?" he asked.

I nodded mutely.

"Follow me." He said taking my arm, not to forcefully though, and leading me to the parking lot.

"I'm Felix by the way. I work as one of the guards at the facility." He said.

As more and more people said facility I came to hate the word.

He eventually turned into a secluded parking lot that had a sign stating 'Seattle Rehabilitation Facility.'

I rolled my eyes and waited to get out of this damned car.

I just wanted to be alone.

The man, Felix, led me to the building. I looked around and found that the place was pretty nice. There was a giant field behind and next to the building that people were hanging around at. As Felix opened the door a guy came out. He couldn't be much older then me and had tousled bronze hair. What made me stop, though, was that he had these green eyes that looked dead. There was no joy or excitement in them. Not one hint that he even wanted to be alive.

He didn't even spare me a glance as he walked away, and tall blond guy following him.

Felix didn't elaborate on him, he just led me to what looked like a waiting room.

He took my bags from me and when I protested he said "We are just going to search them, then put them in your room."

I didn't bother arguing, I just let him take them away from me.

Before he left he pointed to a chair and told me to sit.

I sat down and waited. Not a second later the door opened and a gorgeous woman walked in the room. She had bleach blond hair and a body that was to kill for. It took a hit of your self esteem just looking at her.

"Isabella?" she asked in a voice that sounded like bells.

"Bella." I corrected quietly.

"Well, Bella, why don't you come in so we can talk?" She said moving out of the way so that I could pass. I stood and followed into the room. I sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk while she took her seat behind it.

"So, Bella, first off let me say that we are glad that you have come here and are willing to accept help. The workers here are here to help you, not hurt you. I hope you remember that."

I nodded staring at my hands. I almost protested and told her that I was forced to come here, but I thought that maybe it would just be better if I kept my mouth shut.

"My name is Rosalie Hale, but please call me Rosalie, or Rose if you prefer. I will be your counselor and we will meet twice a week to discuss anything, and everything. You will go to group sessions with people like you, people who cut themselves as you do, and you will attend them 3 times a week. As you have not graduated, as many of our patients have not you, will attend classes according to your sessions. We hope that life will proceed as normal as possible."

I nodded again when she paused.

Life would never be normal again, not since that night. Life would be Hell.

"Now, Bella I must inform you that us counselors here will be around for anything you need, as long as it does not interfere with your health and/or recovery."

I nodded.

"Here is a schedule and your roommate will probably inform your have everything that you need to know. She is a hyper little thing." She said with a smile on her face.

"You may leave now, Felix should be back to lead you to your room."

I nodded as I stood. Walking towards the door, I took a deep breath.

As Rosalie had said, Felix was outside the door standing with his arms crossed.

"Follow me." he said moving towards the door I had come in before. Instead of taking me in the direction I had come in he led me down a hallway. The walls were painted a light brown, with a deep brown as the trimming. The ceiling was white, with the blue dots like they have in schools. We passed a few people in the halls, all of which looked at me like I was a shiny new toy. At the end of this hallway, Felix opened a door, which led to another, brighter, hallway. This corridor was painted a bright orange, while the doors were painted a bright green. The colors worked well together.

"This is the dorm hallway. All residents live in this corridor. The left side is girls, the right side is guys. You must sleep in your bed every night. Failure to do so results in consequences. Curfew is at 9 on weekdays, and 11 on Friday and Saturday. Every night someone will be around to check on you and your roommate."

I nodded.

He stopped in front of a door and knocked.

A chipper 'come in' was heard through the door and when the door opened a small pixie ran to meet me. She threw her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug I had allowed in years.

"I'm Alice." She said when she pulled away.

"Bella." I said. I turned around and saw that Felix had left, and it was just me and Alice now.

"Nice to meet you. I have a feeling we are going to be good friends. This is my bed, and that is yours." She said pointing to the bed where my bag was settled.

I nodded and sat down on it.

"Where are you from Bella?" She asked as she jumped onto her own bed.

"Phoenix." I said disinterested. I wasn't going to pretend to be her friend. I didn't even want to be here. I didn't want to play a game of 20 questions. And I don't want to have to get analyzed by some gorgeous woman who could be a model.

"Really? I would think you were from somewhere around here, you know where the sun doesn't shine very often. You look too pale for phoenix."

"I hate revealing clothes." I stated as if was the most obvious thing in the world, considering I was wearing long skinny jeans, and a long sleeve shirt. My feet were covered by my worn converse.

Alice didn't seem to sense my 'leave me alone' hints and continued to ask me random questions.

"You have a boyfriend?" She asked.

I shook my head, pushing back the thoughts of when guys would touch me before. I shuddered at the memory.

_Bobby Fells tried to kiss me in the hallway, either to make fun of me or push my buttons in 10__th__ grade, but when he pushed his body against me I screamed the loudest I had ever screamed before. _

"Neither do I." she said. She sounded saddened by this but perked up when she said "though this guy Jasper who is here at this facility is drop dead gorgeous."

My thought drifted back to the green eyed guy who passed me when I got here.

"How long have you been here Alice?" I asked hoping she wouldn't take it as in invite to ask me more questions. I liked Alice; she just needed to know when people didn't want to talk.

"6 months." She said staring at her hands.

"Why?"

She seemed happy, normal, and perfectly content to me. I couldn't see why she would be here.

"My parents weren't exactly the best parents. They always fought and the only thing they agreed on was that I was a freak. See, I get these visions that aren't exactly normal. I tried to tell my father that I saw this plane crash and he was on it, that he shouldn't go on his business trip. That set him off and he pushed me to the ground calling me a freak. My mother wasn't much better and that night I downed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. My sister found me and called an ambulance. My doctor ordered that I be sent here for help. The next day the plane my dad was on crashed and he died."

I stared at her, trying to keep my mouth closed. This hyper active girl tried to kill herself. She had gone through so much and yet she could still be who she was.

"That's why I like Jasper so much; he tried to kill himself too, because his parents were abusive. In some way it makes me feel close to him. Did I mention he's like my best friend here?"

I shook my head. "I'm so sorry, Alice."

"Don't be. I'm over it, well I think so. Unfortunately Rose doesn't think so, so she can't order my release. Not that I want to leave this place, it would only mean going back to my mom. I can't stand her. I'm kind of glad she doesn't come for visitation." She said.

"Visitation?" I asked warily.

"Yeah, it's where your family can come and visit you, but if you are bad or in no condition to go they cancel it."

I nodded.

"Bella," her voice got all quiet and I already knew what she was going to ask. "Why are you here?"

"I cut myself." I stated simply, while pulling up my sleeves.

I showed her the scars that littered my arms. She let out a small gasp.

"How long?"

"Years."

"Does it hurt?" she said.

I pulled down my sleeves quickly. My eyes closed and the back of my eyelids became a screen of the past.

'_It will all be ok my sweet, it will only hurt a little. I promise.' _

I took a deep breathe. "Not any more." At least not physically.

"Why?"

"That's for me to know, and no one else to ever find out." I said confidently, turning away from her.

I don't know how I was going to survive this place.

It was going to be hell just getting through the first week.

**Authors note. i know that this took longer then a day, but i have had a really busy week. i had practice everyday, and 2 games, not to mention the amount of homework that they have shoved in ours faces already. so, i apoligize for the delay, but its up not. (: **

**tell me what you think, i decided to skip the whole 4 month break that i did last time, and show how bella adjusted to the rehad center.**

**please, please, please, reveiw. make it like a late birthday present. (: **

**any comments, or questions, pm, or reveiw. this story will, hopefully, be longer and more in depth then the other one. i hope you enjoy. (: and who else thinks alice's parents are awful? **

**- Danielle.  
**


	3. Green Eyed Guy

Disclaimer; i don't have the pleasure of owning twilight.

Green-eyed Guy.

Chapter 3

Last night I ignored Alice, and fell asleep hungry. I didn't want to go to dinner. I didn't want to do anything. What I did want, though, was a fucking cut!

_His _eyes taunted me last night. The nightmares were getting worse. Much worse. I think Alice sensed this, because she woke me up with a worried expression on her face.

I shook my head at her and sat up. My breathing was ragged, my heart race was fast. When I looked at the clock it read 4:00 am. I groaned internally and apologized to Alice.

"Bad dream Bella?" Alice asked shyly.

"My life is a bad dream." I mumbled.

"Sorry for waking you." I said still trying to push away my fright. For all I knew he could be in this very room, waiting to hurt me again. My breathing picked up with this thought and I tried in vain to stop it.

"Are you ok Bella?" she asked trying to get a good look at me.

"I'm- fi-nee." I stuttered out.

"You don't look fine." She said studying me in the dim light.

"Is there anyway you can turn the light on in here?" I asked through breaths.

"No, they turn off all the electricity to the rooms at night. It won't come on until 6 when they come around to wake everyone up."

_Fuck! _My mind screamed.

Everywhere I looked in the room his eyes glowed.

"Bella, you need to calm down. Nothing is going to hurt you." Alice said. Her voice sounded far away.

"That's it just breath. Nothing here is going to hurt you, your going to be fine." She cooed. I felt like a freaking 4 year old.

I took another deep breathe and I felt my breathing start to regulate along with my heart rate.

Alice was rubbing circles on my back, and eventually my breathing slowed down and back to normal.

"You ok?" she asked.

I closed my eyes and nodded. I felt a tear slip down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. My arm was itching for the prickly feeling it got every morning. I scratched my wrist, hoping it would just go away.

Alice cautiously pulled my hand away from my wrist. She knew what I was trying to do by scratching it, and the damn pixie tried to stop me.

I couldn't be mad at Alice; I knew she was only doing this to stop my self harm.

"Bella, you need to listen to me, nothing is going to hurt you here. Whoever and whatever you are afraid of cant touch you here. You. Are. Safe." She said it in such a convincing voice, that I almost believed her. In my heart, though, I knew _he _would always haunt me. Everywhere I went he would be there. Every conversation I had he would be there to eavesdrop, to make sure I didn't spill the one secret I so desperately wish I couldn't keep.

I nodded to Alice and said "I'm really tired, I think I'm going to try and go back to sleep now."

She nodded and climbed off my bed.

"Night Bella." She said quietly before I heard her fall back into slumber.

I, however, knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep again, tonight. The nightmares would come back, and the whole process would start over.

2 hours later, I was sitting in the same position when one of the workers came by to wake me and Alice up.

I stood up and stretched my aching back. I silently followed Alice down the hallway to the girls' bathroom. There was also a lady sitting on a chair watching everyone. Probably to make sure we didn't do anything stupid.

The place was full of girls who were trying to shower and get ready already. Some of the girls were extremely skinny and you could tell by the way they looked that they had an eating disorder. Other girls seemed relatively normal. They would sit in front of the mirror trying to get ready for another day in hell, trying to look there best.

I got ready in 15 minutes while Alice was still messing around with her make up trying to get it just right. Finally after sitting there watching her for 10 minutes she was done. I normally would have just left her there if it was anyone else, anywhere else, but here I was new. I didn't know where anything was. I didn't even know if I could find my way back to our dorm by myself. We walked back to our room in silence, passing a few people on their way to breakfast.

When we got back to the room Alice put all of her beauty products away.

"Let me see you schedule. Ill explain it to you." I pulled the piece of paper I received from Rosalie yesterday off my dresser, and handed it to her.

"So everyday breakfast is from 7 to 8, lunch is from 12 to 1, and dinner is from 6 to 7." She said.

I nodded and she continued. "From 8 till 9 you have English 12, from 9 to 10 you have a break period. All classes occur from Monday to Friday. On the weekends we have no school, though you do have group. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays you have group from 10 to 11. Any other day you have another free period. 11 to 12 you have calculus and at 12 you have lunch. Got it so far?" I nodded. The schedule was fairly simple; I would just have to memorize where the classes were and when I had group.

"After lunch you go to history till 2, you have that with me and jasper. And at 2 you will go to AP biology. That you have with Edward." She said smiling.

I nodded for her to continue.

"On Mondays and Thursdays you will have individual sessions with Rosalie from 7 'til whenever she dismisses you."

I nodded for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I think you have English with Jasper too, and Calculus with me. So you will have a friend in ever class. Well not your groups or your break session. Edward doesn't really talk but I'm sure he will watch out for you in Bio."

I didn't know who Edward was. I didn't want to know who Edward was. He would most likely just add onto the problems in my life.

"Now let's go to breakfast. I'm starving." Alice said standing up quickly.

I stood up and followed Alice silently to the cafeteria. She pulled me into line, and proceeded to get an entire plate of food for herself. I, however, grabbed a water and an apple.

"That's all you're going to eat?" she asked as we walked away from the line. She reminded me of Brittany in a sense. Always asking what was on her mind, very hyper, but knew when to be serious.

"I don't eat a lot." I said in reply.

She nodded thoughtfully.

She pulled me toward a table were the green-eyed guy sat. He was sitting next to the guy that followed him yesterday out of the building. They didn't seem to be talking. Alice sat down across from the blond guy, leaving me to sit across from the green-eyed guy.

"Jazz, Edward, this is my new roommate, Bella." She said pointing to me.

I mumbled a 'hi' and started to open my water.

"Bella, this is Jasper," She said pointing to the guy she was sitting across from and giving me a meaningful glance. This was the guy she liked. Figured, the girl always falls for her best friend. What a cliché.

"And this is Edward." She said pointing to the green eyed guy. I nodded, and mumbled a 'nice to meet you'

"It's good to meet you too Bella." Jasper said. He had a southern drawl that fit his perfect posture. He obviously grew up in the south.

I looked over at Edward, and his eyes flashed to mine. His eyes were as dead as they were yesterday. There was absolutely no life in them, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why I wanted to know the reason why. I couldn't break the connection, I couldn't pull away. I continued to study him even after he looked away. I could usually read people very well, but this guy; he was a puzzle to me.

I didn't even touch my apple, and I barely drank my water throughout breakfast. Every once in a while I would glance at Edward, only to find him watching me in return. It felt as if he could see me, h hadn't even talked to me, and yet it felt as if he knew everything about me. It made me feel safe, and scared at the same time.

Alice and Jasper were in a deep conversation, and whenever she got really excited about something, one touch from him would calm her down.

One look between the two when they were talking proved to me how much they liked each other. Edward, however, didn't say one word, and neither did I.

The attendants started hurdling people out of the cafeteria.

"Jasper, you have English 12 next right?" Alice asked him. He nodded in response "that's great; you can show Bella to the classroom."

"Id love too" he said.

He led me down a bunch of hallways before stopping in front of a door that read English 12 in black letters, on the front.

He opened the door and walked in. taking his place in the middle row, and sat down. I walked up to the teacher and cleared my throat.

"Isabella Swan?" he asked.

I nodded. "here." He said giving me a small stack of books. Most I recognized some I didn't.

"These are the books you will read while here this year, any fooling around in class will earn you immediate removal. Here, we don't take crap from students. You are to attend classes, unless you are physically ill, in which case you need to go to the infirmary immediately. If they don't think you are sick enough to stay, you need to come to class right away. Got it?" he said in a rush, then added sweetly "I'm Mr. Morgan, by the way."

I nodded my head swiftly and asked quietly "where do I sit?"

"Where ever you want," he said in a dejected tone.

I nodded again and took a seat next to Jasper.

"So Bella, where did you live before coming here?" he asked while we waited for the class to come.

"phoenix." I said softly.

He nodded.

"I lived in Texas." He said.

I didn't respond. I didn't have anything to say.

"This place isn't really that bad, once you get used to it. And Rosalie is really nice, not like some of the counselors here." He continued.

"No offense, or anything, but I really don't feel like making pointless small talk." I said staring blankly at the blackboard.

"That is understandable." He said nodding his head.

I expected to say something else, but just like I asked he shut up.

I liked jasper, I just was never a person to sit and make small talk for the fun of it.

I hate small talk. It's pointless. Completely and utterly, pointless. The classroom filled up, and the class passed by. I didn't here anything the teacher said, and I didn't care. I asked jasper if there was a place I was supposed to go for break and he said 'no that I could just walk around doing nothing.' And when I asked him what day of the week it was he said that it was a Thursday. I thanked him and left him to find my way back to my room.

I had 2 hours to do anything I wanted. I didn't have group, I had a session with Rosalie.

_Great _I thought sarcastically _my first day here and I get to spend an hour if talking to some stranger about the reasons for the things I do. _

I chose a random book from the pile Mr. Morgan gave me. I picked up _To Kill A Mockingbird. _

An hour and a half later I was reading the court room discussions. The book hit close to home in a way. It sickened me that the girl lied about rape to save herself from scrutiny of the town, for kissing a black man. He was going to be convicted of something he never did, just because he was black. It was disturbing on so many levels.

He was innocent, but she corrupted his reputation.

I sat up and put the book down. I walked down the hall to the bathroom, but when I got there I found it to be locked. I really had to pee, too.

Why the hell would they lock the bathroom?

"The attendants are on break now, they wont be back till lunch starts." I heard a voice say from behind me. I jumped, and when I turned around I found, green-eyes guy watching me. His voice sounded like velvet.

"Great, could this place get any better." I mumbled as I started to move down the hallway.

"You get used to it after a while." He said as he walked in step beside me.

"Highly doubtful." I said.

"Really, it's not bad if you just do what you're told."

"I don't conform, sorry. Never have never will." I said.

"Feisty. I didn't peg you for the kind of person that would give in easily. You seem more stubborn then that."

"Thanks, I guess." I said turning the corner and stopping at my dorm.

"Bye Bella." He said walking away. Before he turned away from me, though, our eyes locked. His eyes weren't dead like they were earlier, though, they did look pained. I was about to question him, when he turned away.

He intrigued me, and that scared me.

**Authors note. Please, please review. I've been working hard on this chapter, and though its not my favorite at this point, i think it really shows how much Bella doesn't want to be there, and how much pain she is actually in. **

**I have been thinking, and every weekend I'm going to try and give you guys a chapter. i cant promise it will be every weekend, but if i don't get it up, it will probably be half written, and i will try and post it during the week. though, school does have me pretty busy. So anyway, tell me what you think, and plase no flames, well not awful flames like 'i hate your guts, please take down this story,' cause that would be totally unawesome, and make me feel awful (: . **


	4. A Twist in the Story

Chapter 4.

The rest of the day passed by quickly, too fast for my liking. Every second that passed by I dreaded more and more the bell ringing, signaling that I was that much closer to my meeting with Rosalie.

Biology was full of silence, as I tried to ignore the boy sitting next to me. Apparently it was God's wish for people to hate me, because the teacher sat me down right next to Edward.

I had run from guys the second that man touched me, I wasn't about to get close to one now. He tried to talk to me on several occasions, I just blew him off.

When the bell rang I was half relieved that I didn't have to watch my every move anymore.

I walked down the hallways, trying to find my way back to my dorm, subconsciously scratching my wrists. I really needed a cut.

"You really shouldn't do that." I heard a velvet voice say from behind me.

I jumped a little, surprised that he was behind me again.

"Do what?" I asked as I continued walking.

"Scratch your wrists; it will only make things worse."

"Yeah, because things could get any worse." I said completely serious.

He nodded "Trust me, they can. I just really don't think you should do that, even if you don't mean to."

I scoffed seeing my door ahead, I practically ran to it "You don't know anything and I will try my damn hardest to make sure no one does." I spit out the words with all the strength I could muster. Throwing open my door; I closed it in his face.

"Were you just talking to Edward?" Alice asked trying to figure out what just happened, and why I was slamming doors.

I nodded.

"Why?" She asked, looking utterly confused.

"He was trying to understand. I don't want anyone to understand me, or even know me."

"He talked? The only time I have heard him talk is when he's answering a question in a class. He doesn't talk to Jazzy much." She turned away, to what I assume was her homework.

What she had said puzzled me. He openly talked to me, yet any one else he was as silent as a mouse to. Things about him kept getting more and more interesting. The room stayed silent till Alice jumped at a knock on the door.

Throwing open the door Alice said "Hey, Jasper."

My eyes glanced at the door, and fell back to my book when I saw that there was no Edward in sight. I didn't want him to know me, but I wanted to know him.

"Bella, dinners about to start, you want to come with us?" Alice asked.

"Sure." I mumbled closing my book and standing up.

We walked down the hallways, me in silence, while Alice and Jasper talked gibberish.

When we reached the cafeteria, we got in line. Alice grabbed a piece of pizza, while Jasper grabbed a turkey sandwich and I just picked up an apple.

When we got to the table Edward was already there. He was staring blankly at the wall, however when I sat down across from him his eyes flickered to my face, and away again.

"You know Bella you really should eat more." Alice said looking down at my apple.

I shrugged.

I wasn't anorexic or anything, it was just the food didn't appeal to me. Only when I was severely hungry.

I picked at my apple, peeling off little bits at a time to suck on in my mouth. I watched the people around me, feeling at ease just watching everyone. A blonde girl in my history class, I think her name was Lauren, was picking at a piece of cake, subtly letting little pieces of it fall to the ground. She was all bone and skin; there wasn't a piece of meat on the girl.

Another girl, I think her name was Jessica, was glancing around her nervously. She didn't have any food in front of her, and she looked scared out of her mind. She reminded me of me, after that night.

I held back the shudder as much as I could, as I looked away from her, but somehow Edward noticed and was looking at me oddly. I looked away not wanting to have this discussion with Edward yet again.

Glancing at the clock, I saw that I still had 40 minutes until my appointment.

Alice was talking to Jasper, Jasper was listening intently. Edward was doing the same thing as me, studying people. Watching there every move.

I went to pick another piece of my apple off, only to find that only the core was left.

"Alice I think I'm going to go back to the dorm." I said standing up.

She nodded, looking over at me like a sick child. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out she was worried,

"Can you find it?"

"I think so."

"I'll come with you." Edward said standing up. I really did not need his questions at the moment, so I shook my head and said "no."

"Yeah, that would be a great idea Bella, that way I don't have to worry about you getting lost." Alice said staring at Edward in wonder.

"Whatever." I said walking away from the table. I threw the apple core into the trash can on the way out.

"Why do you do that?" he asked walking up beside me.

"What?"

"Shy away from people. You spent the entire time in there watching everyone else interact, and yet when people want to be nice to you and interact with you, you shy away."

"You don't know anything." I said.

"So help me understand." He said grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop.

I looked down at his arm and tried to hold back the memories his touch caused me. I felt tears swarm my eyes and I could feel the mental breakdown starting. I shook his arm off forcefully and he let it drop, most likely staring at me in wonder.

"_Now remember, stay silent. You wouldn't want any one to ruin our fun." He said as he tied my wrist to the bed post. _

"_No. please, stop!" I begged as the tears fell from my eyes. _

"_Shh, it will all be over soon." He said wiping the tears from my face. I turned my head the other way tried to wish away the hand. _

_I felt his hand come in contact with my face, the stinging. "Don't you turn away from me? Ever!" _

I shuddered and felt my legs give out. I fell to the floor, Edward just stood there watching me.

"Bella?" I heard him say.

I brought my hand to my face feeling the sting from his slap all those years ago.

My breathing slowed, and I could feel the blackness caving in on me. I clawed at my wrists, trying everything, to get the memories to go away.

'_This place is going to kill me,'_ was my last thought before the blackness caved in on me.

**authors note. okay, i know this chapter is kind of short but, the way im thinking of it, its going to be edward pov next. umm, this sort of just popped into my head, because this chapter was going to be bella's meeting eith rosalie, hoever i thought this would be a nice twist. (: and plus, you got another preveiw of what really happened the night bella was raped. **

**please reveiw, it would mean so much to me, like so so soooo much. like you have no idea how much.. (: any questions comments concerns, just ask, whether in a reveiw, or you can pm me. **

**the next chapter should be up in a week. **

**- Danielle.  
**


	5. What More Can I Say?

Disclaimer; I don't own twilight.

Chapter 5: What More Can I Say?

It was crushing me, smothering me. It felt as if I couldn't breathe. I tried to move my hands, wiggle my fingers, but I came up with nothing. I couldn't open my eyelids, I couldn't move.

Scenes played before my closed eyelids. Memories of happier times. Times when my father was still alive, before he went to Iraq and died in a bombing. He used to play with me and Brittany, used to tell us bedtime stories. Charlie was a great man. Next came his funeral, Renee crying her eyes out, Brittany didn't talk for weeks. Newspapers announced his death everywhere; he was an honored man in our community. Everyone loved him, none more then his family though.

I was 7 when he died, Brittany was only 5, and it killed us. A part of us died with him. My mom tried her hardest to keep our family together after the accident though. She got Britt to talk again, to live again. She got me to stop bottling up my emotions, just because I didn't want her to cry more. She tried to move on, even if her tries were futile.

I remember how scared Brittany was to start middle school. She was afraid everyone would hate her, that she would be the freak without a father. After she made a few friends, she was okay again. Then came the night, I saw his eyes. I could never forget the lights in his eyes, the excitement present. He started walking towards me, I tried to scream, but it got stuck in my throat. When he reached me I jerked awake. My eyes flew open and I heard an insane beeping sound going a million times a minute.

"Bella, can you hear me?" I heard a faint voice say. My eyes were open but it was like I was falling back into the darkness.

"I need you to calm down, everything is going to be alright." The voice was closer, but the beeping was still frantic.

"Give her a sedative." Another voice said.

My mind screamed _No!, _but my body welcomed the darkness.

"How's she doing?" a voice said somewhere far away.

"She seems relatively calm now; her heart rate was through the roof before. She was probably having a nightmare or reliving something painful." Another, a different, voice responded.

"Did you talk to the boy, see what happened?" the voice asked worryingly. The voices seemed closer.

"Yeah, he said all he tried to do was talk to her, he says that when he touched her she, she flipped out." The voice sounded confused.

"What could have happened to this poor girl?"

"I don't know, Nicole, I think we will find out when she's ready. When will she be waking?" the voice said, even clearer then before.

"Any time now."

As if on cue, my eyes fluttered open. I saw a plain white ceiling, little dots scattered it. I tried to lift my head, but my head started throbbing.

"I wouldn't recommend moving much." A lady said walking towards me.

I closed my eyes in pain, wishing it away. My wrists itched, but my arms were too heavy to move.

"What happened?" I asked trying to distract myself.

"I was hoping you could clear that up for us." Rosalie said walking towards my bed and stopping next to me.

Suddenly it all came back to me; he had touched my arm, images popped up in my head. I closed my eyes trying to forget them, but they only came back harder.

The beeping started again, and I know realized it was my heart rate. I was in a type of medical ward.

I took a deep breathe, trying to steady myself.

"He touched me, and -" I cut off tears brimming my eyes.

"Who touched you?" Rosalie asked.

"Edward, he tried to stop me, tried to grab my wrist and I remembered things,-" I stopped again, seeing nothing but_ his_ face in front of me. I felt tears sting my eyes.

"What kinds of things Bella?" she asked concerned.

I shook my head, partly to try and shake of the images bombarding me, and partly to tell her I didn't want to speak about it. A tear fell from my eye.

She nodded.

"You are excused from you classes for today and tomorrow. I think your recent accident warrants more sessions, though. Instead of our two days before you will now meet with me everyday of the week besides Wednesday and weekends. Your group sessions will not increase seeing as those are the only days your group meets. "

I nodded, even though I didn't want more meetings. Couldn't they see how bad this place is for me?

"Bella, I'm betting more then anything you just want to be left alone right now," more like always "but I need to ask you some necessary questions just so we know for sure what happened. Okay?"

She looked over me, and I nodded reluctantly.

"Did Edward touch you inappropriately?" she said picking a clip board off from the chair next to my bed and sitting down.

I shook my head no.

"Did he hurt you in any way, shape, or form?" she asked I thought back to our conversation.

"_What?"_

"_Shy away from people. You spent the entire time in there watching everyone else interact, and yet when people want to be nice to you and interact with you, you shy away."_

He was so true when he said that. He understood a part of me even if I didn't want him too.

I shook my head no.

"Did he try and force himself on you?"

I almost smiled at the irony. If she was talking in general I could have said yes. _He _did, but I don't think Edward would ever do that to someone.

Instead of answering I looked at the ceiling and said "all he did was grab my wrist. I promise he didn't hurt me; he didn't do anything wrong except touch a broken girl. Can I be alone now?"

I didn't hear her respond, but I think she nodded, because she stood up and walked towards the door.

"You won't be broken for long Bella? Someday all of your troubles will be fixed and you won't have to resort to cutting or scratching your wrists. Your life will be happy, and you will find love. That's my promise to you, and I will do anything to help you succeed. If you need anything Bella I'm here, whenever you need me. I wont judge you, I wont criticize you, and I certainly wont ever hurt you. You can trust me." she turned once again towards that door before saying clearly "that you can count on."

I heard the door shut. I couldn't trust her. I couldn't trust Alice. I couldn't trust my own fucking family. I couldn't trust _anyone_. All they would do was pity me or try and fix me. I was fine. I didn't need their help.

Much to my displeasure I was soon asleep again, living the life I once had…

_I turned to my best friend Madison and said "I hope we make the team" my smile was bigger then it had been in years. Ever since my father died, my family hadn't been the same. We mourned for his loss, but eventually we had to move on. We could grieve forever. _

"_I know, lets just give it all we got." Her smile matching mine._

_Today I and Madison were trying out for cheerleading. We had done gymnastics together for a few years, and we were pretty good at tumbling. We were both eager freshmen, trying to be someone. _

_The gym was full of girls, all stretching or gossiping. _

"_All right ladies, get in lines of four, we are going to memorize the moves, then a cheer." The couch said. Everyone moved off the bleachers and onto the mats. _

_6 hours later, all of the girls were sitting on the bleachers waiting for the couch to comeback with the first cuts. Out of the 97 girls that tried out, today they would be narrowed to sixty. _

"_If I call out you name, ill see you tomorrow." She said taking out a piece of paper. _

_We waited for our names; Madison's last name was Schholl, coming a little bit before mine. _

_Sattler..._

_Samper…_

_Saver..._

_Sctaz..._

_When they couch announced Scholl, we both bounced in our seats and then quieted to listen for my name._

_Swede..._

_Swetchh…_

_Swan! _

_We both began jumping again, only to stop by some of the girls that didn't make it and were glaring at us freshmen. We turned around and rolled our eyes, laughing in silence. The couch dismissed us, letting us know practice started the next day. _

_We ran out of the gym all excited, running up to our mothers to tell them. _

_They congratulated us on our hard work. Brittany was next to my mom, looking slightly upset. She wanted to be on a cheerleading team, but at the moment my mom couldn't afford it. _

"_Don't worry Britt, one day you'll make the squad here, and you will be a great cheerleader." I said to her, getting down to her level. _

_She nodded, a half smile making its way through on her pouty face. _

"_I wanna be just like you, Sissy."_

Her words echoed around in my brain. At that point and time, I was so happy she wanted to be just like me, like I was her role model. Then not even a year after that, that _man_ broke into our house, into my room, and hurt me. Destroyed me.

I didn't want her to be just like me anymore.

I was sitting in Rosalie's office.

I was released from the infirmary this morning, and although I got out of classes I still had to meet with Rosalie.

So far the only words spoken where her saying 'hi'.

I had been in here for ten minutes staring at the wall, her staring at me.

Finally, she sighed and sat forward in her chair. "Bella, we don't have to start with anything big today, why don't you just tell me about your family?" she said.

I met her gaze, not even opening my mouth.

"It says here," she said pointing to my file, "that you have a sister. Tell me about her, please?"

I sighed, I had to talk sometime. "Her names Brittany, she's two years younger. She enjoys cheerleading, and being hyper. She is nothing but social, and obsessed with guys. Her friends mean everything to her, and she would die without her phone and computer. Anything else?" I couldn't help the snappy attitude I had. I didn't want to be here, anyone with an IQ of a two-year-old could see that.

She nodded. "I know you don't want to be here, I really do, but you have to get over that because you can't leave until in my opinion you are better, not just physically but mentally too."

I rolled my eyes.

"How long have you been cutting?" she said following my silence.

"What does it matter?" I asked.

"from the scar tissue the doctors think about 2 or so years, I think what happened started long before that." She said not even hearing me.

"Some of the wounds haven't healed, but most look very well taken care of."

"Well, I couldn't risk getting caught could I?" I said sarcastically.

"Though from what it says here in you school profile, it says that the nurse found your cuts, and reported them, the school gave your mom a recommendation to send you here. But what puzzles me, is that if you have been doing this for years, why you let her see the scars?" she stopped talking abruptly and looked at me.

"I wasn't thinking." I muttered, knowing she would make it something different.

"I think you wanted someone to help you, to reach out and help you." She said in a much gentler voice then what she was using before.

"Why would I want that? I hate it here. The food sucks, that classes suck, hell even the people suck. Most can't even see that touching a broken person can make them have a panic attack and blank out!" my rage was overcoming me. I don't care what she thinks.

"You think you're broken?" she asked, and I knew inside she was jumping with triumphant from getting me to share something.

"I know I'm broken," I said seriously, "I'll never be whole again."

"It's my job to try and help you piece yourself back together, and I will try my damn hardest to complete my job, for every single person in this facility." She said.

"Now, Bella why do you insist that you are a broken person?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk about this." I said. I could already see his eyes, flashing in the darkness with excitement.

Seeing my distress she said "that's all for today Bella, but I would like you to try and face whatever memories you are trying to suppress. Ask Alice to help if you want, I've heard you two are friends now."

For the first time in months, all I wanted to do was cry.

**Authors note. I have a really busy past few weeks so, im sorry for not updating. And im sorry for little mistakes in the chapter but my head is like pounding and I really just want to go to bed, so im just going to finish this author note and take a nap. (: **

**Anything major about the mistakes you can tell me, feel free. **

**Please review, it would mean so much to me, im hoping for 55 by my next update, please don't disappoint. (:**

**That's all.**

**Ohh and if I don't update til afterwards, Happy Halloween. (: (hopefully I will though)**

**-Danielle.**


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